No Matter What

Hello all. I have been quite contemplative today, although as I sit here prepared to write about it on my blog, I suddenly go blank. :) Let's talk about my children. I love my children. No matter what they do, what they say, or how much they may misbehave, I accept them as they come...NO MATTER WHAT. I know that most people feel that way about their children, at least I hope they do. But I truly mean it and think about it often. As most of you know, Chad presents quite a challenge for me for many reasons. He is a great kid. He's smart, funny, kind, loving when he wants to be, inquisitive, etc. But he can also be defiant, impulsive, frustrating, the pusher of buttons, and just do his own thing no matter what anyone says. Well, while I try to correct him of course, I also love him NO MATTER WHAT. NO MATTER WHAT, he's my kid and I love and accept him for who he is. Not sure why, but I just needed to release that into the world today. Nothing has happened, but it's just on my mind today.

Carter...of course I have those same exact feelings, but for different reasons. For several years Carter wasn't like most other boys in that he loved dolls and all things girly. He would choose a doll (Polly Pocket or Barbie mostly) over any other toy in the store, from about the age of 2 thru 5 or 6. He would say he wanted to be a girl, wanted long hair, makeup...the whole thing. While I didn't encourage this in him, I accepted it and allowed him to just be who he is. If I was buying toys and he chose a doll, I bought it for him. I didn't tell him boys shouldn't play with dolls. I wanted him to know that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I love and accept him...NO MATTER WHAT. For a while I wondered if he had a gender identity disorder or something(mostly because of the saying he was a girl, not so much because of the dolls, but of course it contributed). He is over most of this now and no longer has dolls or likes things that are generally seen as 'girly'. BUT, I feel comfortable knowing that when he grows up, if there is ever any conflict in him about his sexuality or identity or anything like that, 1) I will truly believe that he was born that way, and 2) he will be able to look back and KNOW that his mom accepts him NO MATTER WHAT; that mom loves him and understands him and that it's ok. No matter what one's beliefs are on homosexuality, I can not understand how anyone can turn their back on their child, or make them feel unworthy or unloved, and I know that happens a lot to gays and lesbians, which is why so many do not reveal their true selves. I feel confident that, even though we allowed Carter to have dolls, etc. as a child, that you can not *make* a person gay. I don't believe that you can make a person NOT gay by refusing to allow 'girl toys'. A person is who he is. And if he comes to me at 16 and tells me he is gay, then I will not question whether I 'made him this way'. I will love and accept him as he is and I will be his best advocate. I will feel good about the fact that, even at 5, I loved him NO MATTER WHAT. And I will hope that he felt that and feels safe telling me anything. Now, please don't get me wrong, I don't think that boys that play with dolls are gay. I think mine are just normal thoughts of a mom with a son that exhibits these behaviors for such a long period of time. But, I truly believe that it is a part of growing up, for children of both sexes to explore all types of toys and they eventually learn and accept social norms, etc. But I do/did see that Carter was different from 'most' boys in that area. Even though Carter had a room full of dolls, Chad never played with them. Never once. Dalton either. So, to me, it was different from a boy who plays with dolls because he has a sister and the dolls are just there. Carter seeked them out. Anyway, I digress. I think it was just a phase and won't ever come up again. But my point is that, with Carter, that was HIS situation where I said to myself and anyone who'd listen, "You know what? He's my kid and I love him NO MATTER WHAT. Either accept him or be on your way, because we're a package deal." That's how I feel about BOTH of my kids. If you love me, you have to also love my kids. In all their imperfections, they are who they are and I love every piece of them. Of course, there are some traits that I will continue to try to beat out of them...LOL just kidding of course.

Wow, you didn't really ask for any of that, did you? LOL I fear I've said too much. LOL Oh well. That's where I'm at today. I've had some wonderful talks with friends today that put me on this track and I couldn't be more appreciative to have such great friends in my life whom I can talk to. To have friends in your life that LOVE your children NO MATTER WHAT is truly a blessing and I certainly feel blessed today. I hope you are, too.